I realized: I can't do them.
I don't think I had blogged about this too much, but I had a band with my brother & 2 college friends: Max & Josh. We hadn't rehearsed in 3 weeks because I had this musical (which I think I still need to write up a post about). So Josh & Max had been writing stuff on their own & when I got in touch with them about scheduling rehearsals, they told me that based on the fact that my schedule didn't really match theirs & that they had been writing stuff together that had really been taking off, they wanted to do their own thing.
I am totally cool with that, and actually happy the band split, because it will free up my time slightly & it gives them the chance to do what they want creatively (because they really jelled with each other in a way that I don't with either of them - at least in that project). Also, I still have Pejoratively Yours with Josh and I'm still good friends with both of them. So this is for the better, and that makes me happy.
It also taught me something: I can't be in a band permanently. Possibly ever, but certainly not right now. I have spent almost all of the last 4 years developing as a freelancer & that has always been my goal and the way I've looked at and molded things. I just never realized what that meant in terms of commitment to something long-term. I'm able to do it with orchestra & chorus & teaching, but because I'm doing all those & because I do things like 3 week musicals and other gigs, I can't commit to a band - it's just too much. To really do a band, it would have to be my main thing, and while I enjoy it enough to do that, it doesn't do the things I need career-wise, so I can't ever make it into my main thing (or at least now I can't). That was a really important lesson to learn.
I've committed myself to being a freelancer - with all the crazy turns and inconsistent income and experiences that come with it ...
So much music to work on right now ... and I'm really behind on my solo album (but my playing has gone way up and is really improving!)