What place does classical music have in my life?

This seems to be the nagging question that won't stop following me or leave me alone...

Classical music is inherently anachronistic ... for a while I hated that anacrhonism and wanted nothing to do with it ... It's not my world. Since then I've grown a bit and am able to appreciate this world where the focus is all about following an out-dated ettiquete where, even in live performance, the sounds are overwhelmingly more important than the visual. I'm able to accept that the genius of this music lies in subtleties that are probably actually just imagined/created by the observer/listener/writer rather than intended by the creator. ... Another way to put it: That rock is beautiful and I could probably find a million different ways to describe its beauties and magic ... at the end of the day it's just a rock. I'm willing to accept that going to see classical concerts & listening to classical music is an important part of my musical education - there is always something to learn ... often a lot to learn & it's nice to have a venue where you can just observe and be completely academic about the experience. I think it's crucially important for music students too. That's not what this post is about.

In a way, I guess I should have titled this post "What place does learning and performing Classical Music have in my life". I can answer the second part easily ... as long as I can get a gig and network and meet people and learn from playing it, performing classical music always has a place in my life. It's part of a freelancer's life in the same way the doing recording sessions or musical theater pits or whatever else is.

The first part of the question however is what I can't seem to figure out. By classical standards I have achieved a very low level of study. I know very little of the classical standard repertoire - I've only ever learned 3 bach suites to completion and have not even fully learned 2 concertos. There is a part of me that really loves working on this material. Especially everytime I watch Steven Isserlis or Jacqueline DuPre. I also know that practicing it makes me a better cellist & it is a path to technical development (not the only one). But at the same time I need to focus on something in life. It is hard to play all the music I do and do classical music on top of that. So I wonder, is classical music the thread that lies beneath all of this ... do I keep it going for the sake of socializing myself? For the sake of technical and musical development? Because I love it? If so, how much time do I devote to it. What do I do with it.

Yesterday 3/21, I participated in Bach in the Subways Day in honor of Bach's 326th Birthday (maybe we could do this for modern composers as well??). It was a real treat, especially because I felt stressed out and tired and exhausted all day. In my spare moments throughout the day, I practiced to try and get these pieces back under my fingers ... I don't even remember when the last time I played Bach was. I know that the maybe hour of practicing and the hour and a half of performing I did worked wonders for my Left & Right Hand technique. But more importantly, it inspired me to become better and to practice more. It also really cheered me up. The real treat though was when Eric Edberg came along ... playing in the subways gets a bit lonely sometimes - particularly in the spot I was in, so it was great to have some company & then to go around and get to watch and meet Dale Henderson (who is the originator of Bach in the Subways) & Lindsey Horner (a Jazz Bassist with a very different take on Bach - much more focused on improvisation). I wish I had had a chance to see the earlier performances as well, but I was teaching.

When I first started playing the cello, I fell in love with classical music. I loved listening to Yo-Yo Ma & Rostropovich & the Bach Suites & the Haydn Concerto & The Swan, etc. I loved playing them. My first teacher was one of those people who basically only did classical music (and some freelancing, but basically just classical). He really inspired me and made me love it though. I kept feeding that attachment as I went through college (I mean how do you go through music school without doing that??)

As a result, I've always got this tug of war inside between doing classical and doing everything else. I'm disinterested in classical, but at the same time I love playing it ...

So the question is... what place does classical music have in my life?

I wonder if I'll ever find the answer.

Are You Going to Scarborough Fair

Last night I had one of the most magical experiences of my entire life. I went to my very first Irish Session at the Landmark Tavern on 11th Ave. I came in very nervously and not wanting to be disruptive. I know a few Irish Tunes, but I knew I'd be way out of my league in this circle. Everybody in the circle was very friendly/welcoming and they made space for me to join them. I didn't know most of the tunes that were played, so it was a real treat for me to get to watch and listen a lot of the time and try to figure things out as people played them.

I was invited to start Road to Lisdonvarnia at one point, which was really cool! I also got to play some of my favorite fiddle tunes from Master & Commander throughout the night (which are of course originally not from the movie). There was tin whistle, pipes, flute, guitar, banjo, some small diaphragm instrument I've never seen/heard and violins. There was just this absolute magic in everybody coming together during the tunes. Most people playing the melody ... there was just this joy and power that I've never felt in playing with other people ... even with jamming or chamber music. It's almost as if the tunes had their own magic because of their age & because of the sounds of all the instruments.

One thing I found really interesting was that tunes often went from one to the other in a segue kind of fashion & people seemed to always know when it was going to happen (despite not knowing in advance what the tune would be). Throughout the night, I cautiously began to add in some accompaniment and harmony lines. About an hour and a half into the session, this Irish Band from Australia showed up and started adding in some tunes ... everything just went up a whole level from there ... it was a good deal of fun ... before they arrived I had started Road to Lisdonvarnia, Swallow Tail Jig & Moorlough Shore (which only a few people knew, but was really nice ... I was incredibly nervous). They played for at least another few hours. At one point, after improvising along with one of their tunes, they asked me to play a tune (which I was really honored by) ... so I played Scarborough Fair and people loved it (I also discovered that I didn't have a very good sense of the timing with it) ... I played some more with the group, but the original group began to pack up and so did I ..

I stayed to watch the band play for another hour or so & got to witness one of the members wet his tin whistle (finish half a pint of beer with it before playing The Lonesome Boatman) & got to witness one of their gang tap dance something crazy fast (which was so cool!!!) & in general just had a ton of fun! The whole thing really felt like musical home to me. I've got some serious tune learning to do now & good reason to do it. I'm going to another session tonight & it will be a while before I can go to another monday session, but I can't wait to go back!

Lessons From Bronxville

I had what I would call a good, pleasurable show earlier in Bronxville. I also learned a few things.

1. I still have a lot to learn about how to promote my shows. Of the people there, 3 were old friends who I reached through facebook. (one of the primary self-promotion tools...). I am currently compiling a New York list for publications/blogs/calendars, etc. I can submit event listings to. This list will become doubly important when I finally get to releasing my solo album, as I'll have to get it reviewed and talked about in order to get it anywhere.

2. I need to know my material cold & be able to play it in my sleep. I've been doing a lot of work. I played generally well & a friend commented that my intonation had improved greatly since the last time he heard me play. Despite that, I had a lot of moments of missed notes or faulty intonation or memory slips, etc. There is only so much time I can practice in any given day. Since I don't have another solo show for almost a month, I'm going to really hone in on everything here. The thing I played best (from a purely technical/ease standpoint) was my Pirates of the Caribbean Medley. This is because I've been doing it in some form for years and I've just internalized it enough to be able to perform it.

3. I need to be able to play without looking at the cello (this has been such a common theme in my practice - I really need to pay attention to this!!). This allows me to connect visually with the audience instead of having my head buried in the cello.

4. I need to talk less (I had a good balance of it last gig ... this one, not so much). It may be worth it to find a way to engage the audience more (though I had some people talking back on their own at this, so that counts for something).

5. I still have lots of work to do on correcting my hand position and freeing my vibrato (vibrating with the arm instead of the forearm)

6. Don't leave the recorder at home - I was really hoping to get some video of this ... now I'll have to wait for April :(

I plan from now on to keep a practice log again and set practice goals ... the last time I did this, it did wonders ... I'm reading to make the next leap ...

I think that's all for now. I had most of my plans cancelled for tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to a full day of practicing and hopefully getting some flyers hung up as well!

I need to start booking more of these sorts of gigs ... if you can recommend a place I can play, please let me know!

A Lesson Every Time I Practice

Right now I do not have the money to afford cello lessons. I have not had the money for a long time and unless things change, I won't. What I do have are years of training and skill and professional experience as a performer and teacher. This means that to a certain extent I can teach myself. A good private lesson is about raising awareness while pushing the student further & being supportive at the same time.

Some people set goals before they practice. I usually look for something that's wrong or not working and then try to fix it. At previous points I've set goals and used practice routines. It may be helpful to start doing that again.

Today my practice focused very heavily on the alignment of my left arm to the cello & keeping it consistent (particularly when playing on the 4th finger or shifting) & on using the whole arm for vibrato instead of just the forearm.

I started out watching and trying to imitate Amit Peled's video of the prayer. I learned a ton from this ... it led me to work on the alignment and vibrato. This has in turn helped my shifting, intonation & connecting notes. A lot of the work I did was slow & step by step (going at the speed of thought) & a lot of it involved going back and checking and re-checking (because the whole aim of this is consistency & the ability to do anything on command).

Some general tips and thoughts that came out of this lesson:
-Vibrato with the Arm, not the wrist
-Vibrato with forearm for quieter passages (generally requires more tension)
-Always play with a big sound/project
-Don't get stuck
-Every practice has to be a lesson
-I have to be my own teacher
-Left Hand has to down before the right hand can act

I have a list of cello technical exercises that I've kept for a while (mostly areas I want to work on or skills I want to develop), I'm going to make sure to refer in future lessons.

Technical Talk

As a result of video myself, I discovered something pretty interesting that explains some of the trouble and insecurity I have with playing the cello:

I break the alignment of my arm to the cello a lot. Particularly when I play on my 4th finger or shift. This is something I had pointed out to me very quickly a while ago, but recently I discovered vampyresonata (http://www.youtube.com/vampyresonata) girl & after watching her & every other cellist out there & notice that they all had this consistent position and ease/strength/directness of playing, I finally put 2 & 2 together ...

I love the way Vampyre Sonata plays, especially with her left hand - it's so direct and structured and accurate & it produces a great sound

Teaching advice for Masterclasses or private lessons: Mirrors are great tools. What I think I'm doing from behind the cello and what I'm actually doing are often different. A mirror shows me what I'm actually doing. Had somebody explained this to me with a mirror and taken 5 minutes to go over it with me, it would have stuck much, much more.

Some other things I've noticed are that my left hand thumb is often unbalanced or behind the first finger - particularly after shifting, my bow hand fingers are not bending enough. I'm also learning that there are times to tense more and times to relax more (particularl with the left hand).

Also, playing a piano dynamic still requires a firm left hand that fully stops the string ... this is what Irene Sharp means by left hand doesn't do dynamics (I think) ... What the left hand does alter is the tone.

I've discovered part of the secret to playing in tune (and this is something I was taught long ago) ... I need to hear/sing the part in my head *before* I'm playing it. This means I'm constantly thinking ahead (something I was telling a student in a lesson the other day & something Amit Peled talks about in his ICS interview)

Also, I have to start thinking about bow distribution as a means of expression a lot more & start mimicking other cellist's bow distribution, as well as their left hand.

Today I tried a new method of practicing, which basically meant that when learning a new piece, I stopped after sections and wrote down the problems and then continued (I would have then worked on them, but I only had an hour for this particular session & lots of tunes to get through).

I'm going to make it a point to blog regularly & discover new Youtube regularly and start reading peoples' blogs again (because I have to confess, Emily's is really the only one I've been reading regularly).

I am very stressed out (compared to my usual level of complete non-stressiness), but it's the kind that comes from working hard ... I need that right now!

Is There No Standard Anymore?

I've been learning a lot over the past month or so since I've moved to New York.

A lot about people, about music, about myself, life, etc. Many of those lessons have come in the past 2 weeks through financial difficulty.

One of the most important ones came a few nights ago after seeing Zoe Keating & Todd Reynolds play. This lesson has actually been coming for a while & it started with me actually practicing again & actually recording some of my practice. However, the LPR show was really the catalyst of it. Meeting a lot of buskers has also been essential to this change.

I've learned that I need to hold myself to a higher standard - musically and as a person. I've accomplished a lot in the almost 7 years I've been playing cello. I have a lot to be proud of and a lot to value. I've affected and inspired and moved people in all sorts of settings. I've created music, I've learned to improvise and play different styles, I've written a solo album, which I'm going to record soon, played in orchestras, musicals, etc, etc. BUT there's a lot I haven't done ... there's still a ton I have to learn. I've met and watched so many talented people recently and there is a level of musicality and technical proficiency I have not achieved yet. I've met a lot of "amateurs" who actually have a better technique than me or are better sight-readers or whatever. They arent' quite so boasty about what they do.

So I've realized, I need to hold myself to a higher standard. I need to practice more, I need to practice better, I need to record myself all the time & all in all I need to output higher than I do now. This includes things like always showing up early & being prepared for gigs a week or two in advance (and having played my show or at least recorded it before getting up to play it). This means being able to play everything I'm doing in my sleep, with fluency and perfection. This includes developing serious chops.

On a non-musical level, this also includes aggressively booking myself at venues (open mics, coffee houses, libraries, concert halls whatever) and aggressively looking for students & aggressively promoting shows and aggressively networking & communicating with the people who communicate with me.

I've been doing a good job about some of that over the last few weeks, but I have much more. I'm taking all the right steps, but I need to take more of them & take them better. I want to have a world-class technique some day ... I want to be exceptional & push the limits ... I have many hours of practicing before I can do that. I have to push my own limits.

My ultimate goal is to reach as many people in a meaningful way with my music as possible.

Time to get to work.

Maybe I don't need to be the same ...

I realized something in between the time I watched Zoe Keating play & now ...

Maybe I don't need to play cello the same as everybody else. I've always been really frustrated because my left hand technique barely looks anything like the really exceptional cellists I know ...

On the other hand, I'm able to play very expressively & able to move people (whether it's through my videos or live in a coffee house or at an Edensong show, etc.) ...

I also am progressively developing more and more precision/accuracy.

It's particularly when I improv that my technique goes kind of wonky ... it's also particularly when I improv that I feel free and able to be expressive (though at times I feel like I say the same thing over) ...

maybe it's ok to have a different technique ...

I'm not sure. What I do know is that I'm starting to improve & I'm really happy about that!

Going to sleep now so I can busk in the morning!