It's time to set some things straight with myself:
I am a performer/creator first! This is what really matters to me in my heart ... I like teaching a lot ... I'd even say I love it, but there is *nothing* like getting up and playing in front of people & writing songs & playing gigs & doing sessions & improvising, etc., etc.
I feel very stuck and frustrated about 2 things right now:
1. I'm poor! Maybe poor is the wrong word ... but I'm damn low-income ...
2. I have a solo cd that is the most important thing of my life. It needs to be recorded and released ... right now, there is a big damn read light in front of it ... it's been put on a shelf in a closet that's blocked by storage bins ... it's long overdue & it hasn't gone anywhere ... I don't have the money or the equipment right now
I need that cd to happen ... I need it in order to build a career as a performer/creator playing original music ... I need that cd to start booking and selling and doing the things I really want to do and believe in.
Right now, I'm just stalling & trying to survive ... my cello playing is barely progressing at all ... I play frequently, but rarely get to practice. I am working on changing this. Along with this change needs to come creation ... I need to write new songs, new pieces, I need to stretch the limits of the cello
I have some really deep important things I want to say and some worlds I want to create & that needs to happen ... but I need to make some very substantial technical progress or I know I have no hope making a career out of this - as a teacher or as a performer ...
I've had the privilege of seeing some great players over the last week or so ... I need to achieve what they've achieved & I used to work damn hard at achieving it ... ever since my dad died though, ever since I've needed to really pay my own bills & now having my own rent, I have been utterly directionless with cello (except in some small, meaningful ways) ... it's time to move past that now.
I put a lot of time into networking and promoting my music/playing, but that's meaningless if I don't have solid music to start with ... and by solid I mean high-level (because everything professional is high-level), well put-together music that blows people away.
That's all for now ... I need to blog about Zoe Keating/Todd Reynolds soon ... that show was *amazing* ...
I've started forming a cello plan ... long overdue.
Also, this means I need to really push myself to network and book as hard as I can ...
I have a demo cd up at http://cellomike.bandcamp.com ... and it sorta represents me, but I don't feel like it really does ... maybe I'm crazy!
Also, I think from now on, I'm going to call myself a Cellist/Songwriter/Teacher ... I think that covers what I do... I'm not really a composer.